Overcoming Fear & Anxiety – Fear of Our Fathers
The Fearful Example
There have been many studies conducted on what molds the mind of a child growing up. Most of these studies conclude that the vast majority of a child’s learning experience is based on the example the parents or guardians set — not so much on what the the parents say.
If the people that raised you reacted with nervous urgency every time the smallest problem came up, you would, most likely, develop futile fears. If you were lucky, the people that raised you never over-reacted every time milk was spilt.
However, even if your guardians were well adjusted, as in the latter example, you would have been effected by your peers, siblings, teachers, community, country, and what I call, electronic intrusion. Dispensing with futile fear is a challenge, no matter what your family background is, but it can be done.
Verbally Induced Fear
Then there is the direct effect of what your guardians tell you. The people that raised you may have been told by their parent’s, and their parent’s parents, that they need to straighten up and fly right. Your parents may have been promised failure, if they didn’t tow the line. Furthermore, they would most likely try to impose similar beliefs on you.
For an example on how guardians can affect a child, lets look at this hypothetical scenario. Picture a child trying to avoid their homework. I have included three different ways a parent might apply pressure:
The mother or father – “Get your homework finished.”
The child does not respond, and the parent tries to inspire the youngster to finish their studies.
RESPONSE 1 – “Get your homework done, or you won’t have time to join your friends for baseball this afternoon.”
Good one. The child has a legitimate concern about making it to their baseball game. The parent(s) can guarantee the outcome will be as they suggest.
RESPONSE 2 – “Get your homework done, or you will fall behind the other kids in the class.”
Not so good. The child has now been compared to other children. This ushers in the futile fear of shame, and suggests an outcome that is not necessarily true.
RESPONSE 3 – “Get your homework done, or you will fall behind the other kids in the class, fail this semester, fail to graduate, and collect pop bottles the rest of your life.”
You may chuckle at this response, and you should, because the notion is ridiculous. But unfortunately, some parents actually blurt out comments like this with reddened faces, white knuckle fingers, and bellowing voices. This is futile fear at it’s worst. The child learns fear of what others think of them, fear of shame, fear of poverty, and fear of failing to thrive. All of which, will create toxic perception in the mind the of child. Furthermore, if your parents were extremely competitive people, they may have set the bar quite high for you. Failure would be easier to come by, and your failure would result in shame. When a child is constantly ashamed, they begin to develop toxic perception.
Your inherited fear may be the reason you have days of anxiety, disturbed sleep, mild or extreme depression, angry outbursts, or simply constant frustration. The fears that are causing your anxiety can be multiple. Common fears are: Poverty, loneliness, death, shame, change, and of course, the big ugly…..fear of of fear. There’s an unlimited list of fears that humans waste valuable time inventing.
You need to take a good look at the historical fear in your family, and break the chain. Remember that it’s good to have “legitimate concerns” regarding the basics of life, such as shelter, food, and survival — but any other fear needs to be eradicated. Or, at the very least, GREATLY reduced.
When elderly people are asked what they would have done differently in their life, they often say they would have lived their lives with less fear — they would have taken more chances.
I hope the process of removing fear is something you work hard on. If you learn to master your fear, many of life’s challenges will be easier to deal with, and maybe even FUN! The good news is, you can break the chain of fear without a miracle. You can choose to adjust your perception.
You can begin by dealing with your fear and stress now, and pass along a different legacy to the people you influence during your flesh existence on earth.
Related posts:
- Futile Fear & Legitimate Concern Futile Fear & Legitimate Concern Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. - Bertrand...